Well, there's a first time for everything and yesterday at church, I had a first. I was listening to our Pastor speak about how we are meant to be a community and that we were saved to be part of a group. We should be "other" oriented. This resonated with me because as I briefly mentioned in my last post, just this past week, God has been showing me my selfish tendencies. I was chuckling to myself (not out loud because the person next to me might've thought I was a little off my rocker) that this point was being driven home to me yet again. I was telling God, "Yes, I get it," but not in a cocky way. I really do want to learn and change my ways. I did mess up this week and just had to say, "Doh!" after I realized that I had asked God to show me ways to be less selfish this week and I missed the mark big time. Luckily God is gracious and I can learn from that. When we run contrary to our design, dysfunction happens and I felt that as soon as I realized how I'd missed out on being selfless.
So, we know that's not a first for me. Being selfish is one sin I'm unfortunately, too familiar with ... but working on to rectify. What was a first was at the end of the sermon it was time to take communion. He went through the "instructions" about how if you're not a Christian you may just want to let the bread and cup pass you by and how if you have an issue with a "brother" you may also want to do the same until you make it right. All of a sudden I was confused. I'm dealing with anger right now towards someone who hasn't done anything directly to me, but to someone I'm close to. Is that enough to make me let the communion pass me by? It's not like I can go and make it right with this person because, like I said, they haven't done anything directly to me and therefore, if I went to them, they may tell me to butt out. But the anger I have in my heart isn't right and I know that. Do I hold off on communion until I've dealt with this anger? I didn't know what to do. I've never had this feeling before. Since I was unsure, I left during communion and decided to not take it. This was a first for me. Something I really do not want to repeat. I hated not taking communion and feeling that special bond with God. It left a hole in my heart, but not enough to drive out the anger yet.
Anyone have any good advice for me? I'm all ears.
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4 comments:
I think you did the right thing. I think anger's one of those things that definitely hardens one's heart and can come between us and God and that's why it needs to be dealt with. Since you can't go to the person you'll just have to pray that God removes your anger. Not an easy thing (believe me, I know!) but it can be done.
Yes...you did the right thing. Sonya has good advice. I thought the sermon was really great. It totally hits home because how easy would it be to NOT attend church. Very. It's the community of it that we need and yes, were saved for! It teaches us so much to belong to a church family.
Praying God speaks to you this weekend my friend. God is doing some refining. It isn't always so easy or comfortable but the end result is so worth the journey.
I agree with Rachel. Community is so very important. Everyone has a specific gift to bring to the body of Christ so that it can be whole and used the way God intends it.
Go with your heart on the communion thing. You will know when you are ready.
Love you,
Leana
Forgiveness is a process. Commit your heart to the journey of forgiveness. Ask God to help you to forgive at each level of understanding as much as is possible for you in each day. Sometimes forgiveness from the heart takes time. Be gracious to yourself. Also, Anger is a secondary emotion, it isn't the cause but a symptom of unhealed hurt. Ask God to meet you in your hurt caused by this person. Ask God to show you this person through His eyes and I bet you'll be able to forgive a lot sooner then you think. Forgiveness is a big deal to God because it leads to bitterness so quickly which only hurts us and stunts our relationship with Him. "if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive you." Matt. 6:14. You are on a beautiful journey into God's heart into real intimacy. Good on you. Press into Him. ONly He has the right answers for your exact situation. Only He knows what is really going on in your heart. May He alone be your strength to forgive and heal your hurt. I bless you sister. Trust me, I get this journey. Jodi
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