V-day cupcakes

When Danielle told me she needed 48 cupcakes for her class for Valentine's Day, I thought that sounded like a lot, but I told her we'd give it a try. I'd seen a great idea on Pinterest to make cupcakes into heart shapes ... I couldn't find a marble like they suggested, but their 2nd suggestion was to crumple up tin foil and put it between the tray and the paper liner.

We separated the batter into 3 bowls, left one bowl white, poured a little bit of red food colouring into another one to make pink and the last one we poured double the amount of food colouring in to make red. Then we started drizzling away in all the liners to make multi coloured cupcakes. I thought it would be fun to have a dab of colour in the middle and by accident, one looked like a heart, so from then on, I purposely drizzled a heart in the middle. Here's to hoping it would work!

Well, it took us quite some time, but we managed to make 48 cupcakes. We had just enough time to clean up while ...

the last batch was in the oven.

We were VERY pleased with how they turned out. I haven't seen her since she took them to class on Tuesday, but I'm hoping they were a hit.

My Valentine's gift this year was quite heavenly. While out for a walk that night, I saw this:

That was definitely gift enough for me. Stunning.

Show of hands, please

Hypothetically speaking, who thinks it would be weird to date your cousins widower?

I mean, hypothetically speaking, I'm sure someone's parents are well intentioned, but seriously? Come on ... am I the only one that thinks that would be weird? Please, help me out, here. I'm trying to prove a point .... hypothetically speaking, of course.

Results

After feeling like I was going a little mental for the last couple of months, I went to my doc to have a chat and tell him what's been going on. The thing I love about my doc is that he doesn't make me feel stupid or tell me that it's all in my head. He takes me seriously and sends me for tests. Today I got those results. I'm perfectly healthy. "So, I'm just going crazy?" I asked him. "Looks like it," he said, then laughed. No thyroid problem. Hormone levels are "really quite good" he said. I don't have asthma (I've been having a cough that reminded me of the 100 day cough I had a couple of years ago). So, what now?

Well, he's going to test me for sleep apnea. I told him that I sleep quite well, actually and it makes me wonder why I'm so tired all the time. He said he's going to check if I'm breathing properly while I'm sleeping. He said it can seem like a person gets a full nights sleep, but if you're not breathing properly while sleeping, it can make you tired when you wake up. So, that's next.

I've been having something weird happen with my eyes. He sent me to an Ophthalmologist and he prescribed glasses. I've been wearing the glasses for 2 months now and it's mostly the same, but a few times it's gotten worse. Now I have 2 appointments downtown with another specialist. Aaaaah, ain't getting older grand?

Part of me feels like I'm falling apart and the other part of me knows it could be must worse. I'll just bide my time and do what the doc says for now and stay positive ... and get out for more exercise now that the sun's been shining!

I'll take what I can get!

So, my parents are in town for a few days and although it's not unusual for my Dad to call me, most of the time it's my Mom. I heard my phone ring and saw that it said, "Dad's Cell." I figured it was my Mom letting me know that they'd gotten here safely and to set up a time to see me ... yes, I have to schedule time with my parents when they come here. They used to live here for many years plus they have a lot of family here, so I'm lucky if I get to see them twice while they're here. I'm not complaining ... I'm glad they've got friends ... it might just be a tad embarrassing that my parents are busier than me! haha! JK

Anyway, when I answer the phone, I'm a little surprised to hear Dad's voice on the other end. We chit chat about their drive out here for a bit and then he says, "What are you doing on Sunday around 4:00?" My mind quickly peruses my schedule but before I say anything, I had this fleeting thought ... "Is there a Canucks game on Sunday? Does he want to take me to a Canucks game? Sweet!" I calmly say, "Nothing. Why?" to which he answers, "Well, there's a certain football game on that I want to watch" and then it hits me ... he wants to use me for my TV! (they're staying at my Uncle and Aunt's place who have a very old, small TV) haha! Well, I was right about it having something to do with a sporting event! :) I said, "Are you wanting to watch it on my TV, Dad?" "I need a nice, big screen to watch it on!" he says in a whiny tone. "Of course, Dad. Come on over."

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm offended, because I'm totally not. My Mom will, of course, come with him and her and I will chat and catch up ... maybe play some Banagrams while Dad's watching the game. We'll swap seats when the half time show comes on and I'll wonder what Madge will come up with and he'll think it's "garbage" but it'll be fun. Mom said she's got buns and cold cuts (did she bring them all the way from Alberta? Doesn't she realize we have those things here, too? - they crack me up!). I told her that's great, but we have to have pizza while watching the Superbowl, so I'm sure we'll order in as well. I'm sure Dad will fall asleep at some point, but don't worry, I'll wake him up to see the end.

You see, my parents have come out here for a funeral of a long time friend. I know the kids of this man and it really makes me think, "What if that was me?" So, I'm going to cherish this time of watching the 2012 Superbowl with my Dad and playing games with my Mom.

What are your plans for the Superbowl?

A Balanced Life

The 2nd thing that I believe has helped me have a brighter outlook on life again is getting back a balanced life.

I believe that one of the reasons why I was feeling hopeless is because I hadn't been to church in quite awhile. When I came back from Malaysisa in June, summer kicked in and with it, many weekend getaways. Church was put on the back burner. When summer ended, I started feeling like I wasn't supposed to go back to the church where I'd been attending for almost 30 years. This was a very weird feeling for me. Although I had a peace about not going back, what now? I told myself that next Sunday I'll go check out a new church. Sunday came, I woke up to my alarm, but I couldn't get myself to go. That was odd for me. I'd never had a problem going to my old church by myself and I'm not a shy person, so what was the problem? I guess it really was more daunting than I led myself to believe. I found a friend who was also ready to seek out a new church and our search has begun (I'll go into that in another post).

It felt good to be back in a community setting ... even if we didn't know many people and it didn't yet feel like "home." At least I was going somewhere and getting fed.

In my last session with my awesome counselor, she told me to remember the 4 things that help keep a life balanced: Social, Physical, Intellectual and Spiritual. She said to remain healthy, you should do 2 - 3 of these activities per week. That totally makes sense because I feel I've been doing that lately ... leading to a more positive outlook and a more balanced life. I love when my counselor and I are on the same page. :)

Joy ... something I was lacking

Continuing on with #1 from my last post, here's some more of what I've learned from One Thousand Gifts. Since she says it best, this is all a direct quote from her book. It was such an eye opening moment for me. I hope you like it, too.

Luke 22:19 And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it ...

In the original language, "He gave thanks" reads "eucharisteo."
Eucharisteo = thanksgiving
root word - charis = grace
derivative - chara = joy

Joy. Ah ... yes. I might be needing me some of that. That might be what the quest for more is all about. That has always been the goal of the fullest life - joy. And my life knew exactly how elusive that slippery three letter word, joy, can be. I think of it then again ... the lunge for more. More what? And this was it; I could tell how my whole being responded to that one word. I longed for more life, for more holy joy. But where can I seize this holy grail of joy? Deep chara joy is found only at the table of euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving. Is it that simple? Is the height of my chara joy dependant on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks? As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.

Continuing on my weird journey

The question in my last post started creeping into my brain back in late October. I'm glad I didn't post about it then because I think I would've sounded quite hopeless if I had. At first I felt quite void and lifeless when I was asking it. After wrestling with it for a few months, while I'm still asking the same question, "What's the point to my life?" I have hope again. I believe that my friends asking me what's going on was the first step in me being honest with myself that something, in fact, was going on. Then I could start dealing with it. There are 2 things that I believe have helped me have a brighter outlook again.

1) I started reading One Thousand Gifts
I know that there's controversy around this book and I get it. I really do. However, I'm trying to look past that and really get to the meat of what she's saying. I'm only a few chapters in and here are some of my journal notes:

She starts off the book talking about how when her little sister died, her family became closed to "any notion of grace." She started believing "the Serpent's hissing lie" that God isn't good, that He "withholds good from His children, that God does not genuinely, fully love us." I know I haven't had a hard life so some people may say that it's easy for me to not have turned from God, but even now when I'm questioning my point in life, I'm SO glad that I still believe God is a loving, caring God. I'm not mad at Him at all. She goes on to say, "Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity; the sin of ingratitude. Our fall was, has always been and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives." Lord help me NOT to be ungrateful! That was a good wake up call as to why I was really asking myself, "What's the point to life?" Am I unsatisfied with where I'm at? I believe that my answer to that question is no, but then why am I asking what the point is? I'm confused. Maybe I am a little unsatisfied. I'll be honest with God about that and ask Him to really unveil my heart ... since He knows it better than I do!

Like I said, I'm only a couple of chapters in on the book, but I've heard that this book talks about keeping a gratitude journal, so even though I haven't gotten to that part of the book yet, I've started one. I don't want to become a spoiled brat that thinks, "God owes me more than this!" I want to live daily and to not live in the future. I find that I really start thinking, "What's the point?" when I start looking too far into the future. I want to live in the moment and to know that God has me exactly where I'm at, at that moment, for a reason. God does nothing without a purpose. I want to choose to live a life of gratitude.

I've had a few friends lose a parent over the last year ... 2 within the last month alone. Just before Christmas. As I read the next Chapter of One Thousand Gifts, it talks about living life to the fullest NOW. "How to live the fullest life here that delivers into the full life ever after. Thinking on the beginning of this year, who does He call to come home? Is it me, Lord? May I be ready." Wow ... may I be ready ... those are powerful words. "Will I have lived fully - or just empty? How do we live fully so we are fully ready to die?"

I know that death isn't the most uplifting topic to think or talk about, but it's going to happen to all of us sooner or later. I want to be ready and to have truly lived every day to it's potential.

I'll write what I've learned about joy tomorrow ...